That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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