have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
