Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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