I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
