I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The power of my boobs compel you
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
