kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
