literally had 100 drinks last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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