im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You're like the curious george of whores
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
