Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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