Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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