I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
