Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
