he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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