Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she told me i tasted like america
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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