so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
