They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
