real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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