i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
