so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
