I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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