Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
