You just made me feel so damn special
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
