So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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