i jhust puked up my retainher.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
