Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
