So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
