Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
