when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
