Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
did i walk over a car last night?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
