maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
