im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
