I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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