my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
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