i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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