Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
