Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we made out on top of his cat.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
