Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
