I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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