My room smells like vodka and shame
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
