She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
