So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
