Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
