Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
