My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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