big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
