hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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