i don't like sucking hair
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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