i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
