Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
