I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
