I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
