I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
