My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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