The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
